There is a moment that arrives again and again across the parenting journey.
Your child turns toward the classroom, climbs onto the school bus, drives away on their own, walks into a college dorm, or carries the last box into their own independent living space — outside of your home.
You smile. You wave. You tell them you love them.
And as your hand moves through the air, many different feelings may begin moving through you.
Perhaps there is pride. Grief. Relief. Hope. Fear. A deep trust in your child—and a tender longing to hold on just a little longer.
Loving and letting go can bring many feelings to the table.
And it helps to rest into a safe space inside of you that can welcome and hold them all.
I’d like to introduce you to a meditation from Internal Family Systems (IFS) that helps you connect with the healing spaciousness within you - that can hold all parts of you that come up in these tender moments of transition as a parent.
The Kitchen Table Meditation: Come Sit at the Table
If you’d like, find a place at your own kitchen table.
Let your eyes remain open so you can continue reading as you go.
Take a moment to notice the table beneath your hands. Feel the chair supporting your body and your feet making contact with the floor.
Perhaps look around the room and quietly name three things you can see.
Let yourself arrive here, in this moment, more fully.
Now, gently bring to mind the moment when you waved goodbye to your child, teen or young adult.
You might even lift one hand and slowly wave again.
As you do, notice what begins to stir inside of you.
Perhaps one part of you is proud.
Another part may be grieving.
One part may trust your child deeply, while another wonders whether they’re ready.
There may be a part looking forward to the freedom this transition could bring you—and another who feels guilty for wanting that freedom.
Just notice who is here.
Welcoming Your Parts
Imagine that each of these parts is invited to sit with you at the kitchen table.
One may pull out a chair right away.
Another may linger in the doorway.
One might prefer to remain at the far end of the room.
Maybe another is hiding under the table.
Each part gets to choose the distance that feels right.
No one has to agree. Nothing has to be settled. Every part of you belongs.
See if one of these parts would like your attention.
You might gently ask:
What would you like me to know?
Then pause.
Perhaps an answer comes through words, an image, a memory, a sensation in your body, or a quiet sense of knowing.
Perhaps nothing comes yet.
Let your curiosity remain spacious.
When you are ready, see if you can appreciate something about this part’s intentions.
You might quietly say:
Thank you for wanting to protect what I love.
Or:
I’m glad to know you’re here.
Or simply:
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Finding Your Own Words
From the deep, wise, loving presence within you, consider offering a few words to all the parts gathered around your table—including those who have chosen to remain at the edges.
You might borrow these words from my own letter from my Self to my parts:
I care about each of you.
Each and every one of you belongs here.
I appreciate your differing perspectives.
And then, allow your own words to come.
What would you like the parts of you to know?
There’s no perfect message to find. Let it be simple. Let it be yours.
Take a moment to listen inside…and just allow this message to arise within you. When it does, you can share this message with your system, and notice how your system responds to this message from you.
One Loving Next Step
Your parts may continue to hold different feelings about this transition.
All of these parts matter. Each one may carry important information for you.
And they don’t have to agree with each other before you choose one clear, loving next step.
Imagine taking that next step with your child, teen or young adult.
Notice what it’s like to come from this spaciousness within you - that’s a little more connected to the ones inside.
Perhaps you listen before advising.
Perhaps you ask your child a question from a more relaxed and curious place inside.
Perhaps you hold a loving boundary.
Perhaps you simply let your face say:
“I am so glad to see you.”
Again, imagine taking that next step with your child. And notice what happens inside of you as you do.
Closing - For Now
Find a way to let the ones gathered at the table know that you will be bringing this time with them to a close, for now. But they can stay here and hang out.
They can let you know anytime they need you. And that you can come back to visit with them, if they’d like that.
Before leaving the table, feel the support beneath your body once more. Notice your feet on the floor. Look around the room and gently name three things you can see.
As your child continues taking their next steps into the world, may your kitchen table remain a place where every part of you is welcome.
A place where loving and letting go can sit beside one another.
A place where all of you belongs.
Continue Your Journey & Connect
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