How Do I Help My Child Process Grief After Losing Someone They Love?

When a child loses someone important to them, parents often wonder how to help them understand and process grief.

How Children Experience Grief

When a child loses someone important to them, it can feel overwhelming for both the child and the adults supporting them. Parents often wonder what to say, how much to share, and how to help their child understand something that can feel so complex and painful.

There is no perfect way to support a child through grief. But there are ways to create safety, connection, and space for their experience to unfold in a healthy and supported way.

How Children Experience Grief

Children do not experience grief in the same way adults do.

While adults may feel grief as something continuous, children tend to move in and out of grief. One moment they may be deeply sad or they might ask big questions, and the next they may return to play, laughter, or everyday activities.

This can sometimes feel confusing, but it is actually a natural and protective way that children process overwhelming emotions.

Children also understand death differently depending on their age and development. They may:

• Ask the same questions repeatedly as they try to make sense of what happened
• Express grief through behavior rather than words
• Worry about safety, separation, or who will take care of them
• Move between big feelings and moments of play

Grief in children is not linear. It comes in waves, often revisiting them over time as their understanding grows.

What Children Need Most

More than the “right” words, children need safe, attuned presence.

They benefit from:

• Honest, simple, and age-appropriate explanations
• Reassurance that their feelings are okay
• Consistency and predictability in daily life
• Opportunities to ask questions over time
• Permission to grieve in their own way and at their own pace

It’s okay if you don’t have all the answers. Being present, open, and willing to sit with your child in their experience is often the most supportive thing you can offer.

Encourage Expression Through Play

Children often don’t process grief through conversation alone. Instead, they express and integrate their experiences through play, creativity, and storytelling.

You might notice your child:

• Acting out scenarios through toys or pretend play
• Drawing pictures or creating stories about what they are feeling
• Asking questions during play rather than direct conversation
• Moving their bodies-running, building, or engaging in sensory play

These are all ways children process and make sense of their world.

Supporting this might look like:

• Providing art materials like drawing, painting, or clay
• Reading books about grief and loss together
• Creating memory boxes or special objects that remind them of the person
• Inviting storytelling or sharing memories
• Allowing play to unfold without needing to guide or correct it

Play gives children a way to express what may feel too big or complex to put into words.

Talking About Death With Children

Many adults worry about saying the wrong thing, but avoiding the topic can sometimes create more confusion or fear.

It can be helpful to use clear, direct language while staying gentle and supportive. For example:

• “Their body stopped working, and they died.”
• “They won’t be coming back, but we can still remember them and talk about them.”

Using concrete language helps children build understanding and trust.

Children may return to these conversations again and again. This repetition is part of how they process.

Creating Ongoing Connection

Grief is not about “moving on” from the person who died, it is about finding ways to stay connected while continuing to live.

Children can be supported in maintaining connection through:

• Looking at photos or sharing stories
• Celebrating birthdays or meaningful dates
• Creating rituals, like lighting a candle or visiting a special place
• Talking openly about the person they miss

These practices help children integrate grief into their lives in a way that feels meaningful and supportive. Their relationship with their loved one has not ended, it is just different now.

Supporting Yourself as a Parent

Supporting a grieving child while navigating your own emotions can be incredibly challenging.

Children often look to the adults around them for cues about safety. It’s okay for them to see that you are sad, it helps them understand that grief is a natural response to loss.

At the same time, having your own support system- whether through community, therapy, or trusted relationships can help you stay resourced as you support your child.

When Additional Support May Help

Some children benefit from additional support, especially if grief is showing up as:

• Ongoing anxiety or fear
• Withdrawal or significant changes in behavior
• Difficulty returning to daily activities
• Repeated distress around the loss

A Child Life Specialist or grief-informed therapist can provide developmentally appropriate support through play, emotional expression, and family guidance.

Grief is not something to be fixed. It is something to be held, expressed, and integrated over time.

With support, children can learn that their feelings are safe, that they are not alone, and that love continues-even after loss!

Related Links: Child Therapy, Grief Counseling

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About the Author

Kelsey Ellis is a Certified Child Life Specialist (CCLS), grief counselor, and eco‑therapy practitioner based at Mindful Child & Family Therapy’s Half Moon Bay office. She supports children, teens, and families navigating medical experiences, grief, and life transitions through therapeutic play, emotional education, and nature‑based support. Kelsey is also the founder of the Waves of Grief Collective, a global community that gathers people in nature to honor grief and find connection.

Learn More about Kelsey Ellis through her Bio Page

This article was reviewed and approved by Jaclyn Long, MFT