Dear Mom and Dad,
Sometimes my feelings get really big.
Sometimes they get big over things that might seem small to you — the wrong cup, a game that didn’t go the way I hoped, something changing when I thought it would stay the same.
I know it can look confusing from the outside.
Sometimes it probably looks like I’m being dramatic.
Or stubborn.
Or like I’m trying to control everything.
But inside, it doesn’t feel like control at all.
It feels like a wave that suddenly gets really big, and I don’t know how to stop it.
When my feelings rise like that, something inside me is overwhelmed.
My body feels tight.
My thoughts move fast.
And it feels like everything is too much all at once.
What helps the most isn’t when someone tries to stop the wave.
What helps is when someone stays with me while the wave moves through.
Sometimes when my feelings scare you, I can see it on your face.
Your voice gets sharper.
Your body gets tense.
You tell me to calm down.
You tell me to take a breath.
You tell me it’s not that big of a deal.
And then my feelings get even bigger, because now it feels like my emotions are too much for both of us.
But when you slow down…
When you take a breath…
When you stay calm enough to stay close…
Something inside me begins to soften.
It doesn’t mean my feelings disappear right away.
But they don’t feel as lonely.
When you can stay with my big feelings, I start to learn that feelings can move through without breaking the relationship.
And slowly, little by little, I begin to learn how to stay with them too.
I’m not trying to control everything.
I’m trying to figure out what to do with feelings that feel bigger than me.
And when you stay steady, even when my feelings are big, it teaches me that emotions aren’t something we have to push away.
They’re something we can move through…together.
So - please try to hang in there with me if you can. If you can’t, I don’t know, maybe you can get some help with that? Because it seems really hard for you. And I think it’s something I really need.
Love,
Your Child