Dear Mom (or Dad),
I know it was just water.
And I know I’ve knocked the glass over before. Lots of times.
I see the way your body tightens when it happens. I see the flash in your eyes — like something bigger than the water just spilled.
Sometimes when you yell, it feels like I’m not just the kid who spilled water.
It feels like I’m the kid who always messes up. The kid who can’t get it right. The kid who makes things harder.
And when that happens, I get tight inside too.
I get rigid. Defensive. Or shut down.
Sometimes I freeze.
Not because I don’t care.
But because it feels heavy to carry the weight of your frustration.
But this time… something was different.
You paused.
I saw it.
Your shoulders softened.
Your voice didn’t get sharp.
You even sang a silly song while grabbing a towel.
And I don’t know if you know this…
But that changed something inside me.
When you didn’t explode, I didn’t have to brace.
When you stayed warm, I didn’t have to defend.
When you were gentle with yourself, I felt permission to be gentle with me.
It stopped being about “What’s wrong with you?”
And started feeling like, “Oops. That happened. Let’s clean it up.”
And when that shift happened between us, something shifted inside me too.
I could feel care instead of shame. Connection instead of distance. Room to learn instead of fear of messing up.
I don’t need you to be perfect.
I just need to feel that when things spill — water, emotions, mistakes — our relationship doesn’t spill with it.
When you turn toward yourself with compassion, it makes it safer for me to turn toward myself too.
Your inner connection becomes our connection.
And somehow… that becomes my inner connection.
Thank you for doing the work.
Even when I don’t say it out loud, I feel it.
Love, Your Kid
Related Links: Teen Therapy, Family Therapy
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Author
Jaclyn Long, LMFT is the Founder & Director of Mindful Child & Family Therapy, a family-focused group psychotherapy practice serving families across Los Altos, Mountain View–Los Altos, San Jose, Half Moon Bay, and via telehealth throughout California.
Jaclyn specializes in trauma-informed therapy for children, teens, adults, couples, and families, with a particular passion for helping parents navigate the emotional intensity of raising sensitive, high-achieving, and neurodiverse kids. Her work is grounded in Internal Family Systems (IFS), attachment science, and nervous system-informed care.
In addition to her clinical work, Jaclyn mentors therapists, leads retreats, and speaks about Self-led parenting, intergenerational healing, and relational leadership. Her mission is to help people nurture the most important relationships in their lives — including their relationship with themselves. She has developed a strong team of child therapists and parent consultants who would be honored to support you and your children.
Learn More about Jaclyn Long through her Bio Page, Psychology Today and LinkedIn.